Aging is inevitable, but maturity isn’t. Some people go their whole lives and never gain any of the attributes of age: a polished skill set, wisdom, perspective. But even worse than all the people tearing through their existences without learning a thing are those who believe, wrongly, they’ve found the key to being grown-ups. Rather than actually learning or growing, people feign the act of maturity with simple tricks that actually have little to do with maturity. Here are five things that people mistake for signs of maturity.
1. REFUSING TO ARGUE
When people think of indulged children, the image of a bad tempered, disagreeable kid arguing about everything comes to mind. Maybe that’s why some people come to see any form of debate as immature. When conflicts or argument arise, silence is not the behavior of a grown-up. If a person is silent in the face of a disagreement or a potential disagreement, there may be several reasons for that: they are frightened and incapable of dealing with conflict; they have absolutely no respect for the person they disagree with and feel the person’s opinion is unworthy of debate; or they lack the ability to articulate the superiority of their own opinion. Those are the reasons for silence: fear, arrogance, or stupidity. “I don’t like argument,” people say, I get it. No one but the worst people in the world enjoys conflict and arguments, but if we’re talking about growing emotionally, becoming better people, then we have to try. A lot of people also get hung up on the word “argument,” because they feel it is always over petty or trivia things. Sure it can mean that, but it can also refer to theoretical or logical arguments/debate. And the truth about argument is you get to learn what you don’t know, might be the hard way though but you learn and I do not see learning as a form of immaturity.
1. REFUSING TO ARGUE
When people think of indulged children, the image of a bad tempered, disagreeable kid arguing about everything comes to mind. Maybe that’s why some people come to see any form of debate as immature. When conflicts or argument arise, silence is not the behavior of a grown-up. If a person is silent in the face of a disagreement or a potential disagreement, there may be several reasons for that: they are frightened and incapable of dealing with conflict; they have absolutely no respect for the person they disagree with and feel the person’s opinion is unworthy of debate; or they lack the ability to articulate the superiority of their own opinion. Those are the reasons for silence: fear, arrogance, or stupidity. “I don’t like argument,” people say, I get it. No one but the worst people in the world enjoys conflict and arguments, but if we’re talking about growing emotionally, becoming better people, then we have to try. A lot of people also get hung up on the word “argument,” because they feel it is always over petty or trivia things. Sure it can mean that, but it can also refer to theoretical or logical arguments/debate. And the truth about argument is you get to learn what you don’t know, might be the hard way though but you learn and I do not see learning as a form of immaturity.
2. PLAYING DEVIL'S ADVOCATE ALL THE TIME
Playing devil’s advocate is not about articulating your feelings; it’s about expressing any contrary opinion. It’s reveling in your ability to simply provide the other side of the argument. Too many times people play devil’s advocate simply because they can, not for the proper reason of helping another see a problem more completely.A person who is actually mature can arrive at the truth of a matter without reflexively gainsaying everything put before them. You don’t get points just for understanding the other side of the argument; you prove yourself a grown-up by knowing whether or not there is validity to discussing alternative points of view.
Playing devil’s advocate is not about articulating your feelings; it’s about expressing any contrary opinion. It’s reveling in your ability to simply provide the other side of the argument. Too many times people play devil’s advocate simply because they can, not for the proper reason of helping another see a problem more completely.A person who is actually mature can arrive at the truth of a matter without reflexively gainsaying everything put before them. You don’t get points just for understanding the other side of the argument; you prove yourself a grown-up by knowing whether or not there is validity to discussing alternative points of view.
3. SHUTTING DOWN A CONVERSATION INSTEAD OF ADDING TO IT
There are times when your perspective on the world will be invaluable – because only you have it in the exact way that you do, and it most certainly has the power to change the world, for better or for worse, in some regard. But that’s not always. And when your opinion – or what you think is a fascinating new lens through which to see the world – reinforces the status quo, disrespects the person with whom you’re engaging, and takes up unnecessary space, you’re actually not adding to the conversation. You’re shutting it down. And whether you realize it or not – whether you mean to or not – that’s oppressive.
4. SUPPRESSING EMOTIONS
At some point, people tell you growing up is about being quiet. About keeping an even temper. About going through life at a steady pace. Anyway, I’m here to tell you that is a lie. Being calm and quiet makes you boring, not mature. You get your thumb caught in a drawer, you scream, You see your co-worker slip on an actual banana peel and throw his feet into the air, going full parallel to the ground before falling on his head, you say sorry and laugh it off. That is not immaturity; that’s being alive. There are extreme wonderful and terrible things in life, and absolutely nothing about being a grown-up requires you to take those events and mute your response. There is no award for absorbing all the energy of the day’s events and compressing it into a tiny smile or grimace.
At some point, people tell you growing up is about being quiet. About keeping an even temper. About going through life at a steady pace. Anyway, I’m here to tell you that is a lie. Being calm and quiet makes you boring, not mature. You get your thumb caught in a drawer, you scream, You see your co-worker slip on an actual banana peel and throw his feet into the air, going full parallel to the ground before falling on his head, you say sorry and laugh it off. That is not immaturity; that’s being alive. There are extreme wonderful and terrible things in life, and absolutely nothing about being a grown-up requires you to take those events and mute your response. There is no award for absorbing all the energy of the day’s events and compressing it into a tiny smile or grimace.
5. GIVING UP YOUR CHILDHOOD HAPPINESS
This is a very big mistake which is easy to understand. If the simplest definition of being a grown-up is that it’s the opposite of being a child, then the simplest shortcut to maturity is to do everything differently from when you were a child. This wrong-headed notion has made people suddenly refusing to do all sorts of things, like seeing cartoons, kids movies, skipping, singing out loud, or drinking through a Straw. The truth is when you are grown up, you develop the fears you never had. You have obligations and responsibilities you never wanted. When you are grown up, there is little or no time to do all the stupid things you loved doing as a child. But how much needlessly sadder is adulthood if you willingly deprive yourself of all the things you used to enjoy? Whom are you trying to impress? Who told you grown-ups couldn’t have action figures? That’s not the symbol of maturity.
This is a very big mistake which is easy to understand. If the simplest definition of being a grown-up is that it’s the opposite of being a child, then the simplest shortcut to maturity is to do everything differently from when you were a child. This wrong-headed notion has made people suddenly refusing to do all sorts of things, like seeing cartoons, kids movies, skipping, singing out loud, or drinking through a Straw. The truth is when you are grown up, you develop the fears you never had. You have obligations and responsibilities you never wanted. When you are grown up, there is little or no time to do all the stupid things you loved doing as a child. But how much needlessly sadder is adulthood if you willingly deprive yourself of all the things you used to enjoy? Whom are you trying to impress? Who told you grown-ups couldn’t have action figures? That’s not the symbol of maturity.
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